Flashback Fiction: The One That Got Away

I almost thought I forgot about that someone who hit that spot.

We all know that things happen and change when we least expect them to. Some changes, you get used to quickly, some take a bit more time to adjust to. Like say, the silly mistake of losing your great grandmother’s wedding ring in the shower: as you see it fall further into the oblivion of your drain you think about how you should’ve left it somewhere safe. Or like losing a loved one… say your favourite pet Porky. The pain washes you over and after a while you get a heap load of emotions: the sadness that hums you can never get Porky back; the excitement of getting a new one; and fear that this new pet might bite.

Sometimes you can pretty much manipulate all factors involved so things stay the same and you have a bit of stability, but most of the time we can’t have all control. No matter how quick or how slow the process is, change is inevitable. But we all move on. Because when we lose things, pets and friends that’s pretty much the only thing we could do.

Thanks for the memories. On to the next one.

When you want to be free.
It’s so funny how you should hurt someone and that someone was me.

I’ve been fortunate enough to chance on interesting people in life and no matter how fleeting the moments I’ve had with these people, I’m sure there was something gained whether it be temporary comic relief or a long standing friendships. So when these people change or leave I can’t help but feel a bit robbed. Of opportunities that could have been. Of moments and thoughts and ideas we could have shared.

My lifestyle and my work involves a lot of hello-thank you-goodbye moments so one would think I’m used to this. But it pricks everytime.

You were slightly different. I thought you were the kind to stick around.

Just skip the bull, let’s talk for a while.

When you left, I wondered if it was a case of ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ kind of bullshit. Or if it was actually the other way around. I actually made a list of reasons:

  1. Maybe I’m not pretty enough 
  2. Did I eat too much garlic on our date? Or did my big fat mole scared him away? 
  3. Maybe for him, I was just a “phase”.

When I let down my defenses I seem to have lost all confidence. But then I had a counterlist, too.

  1. I may not be the prettiest but I think I’m decent enough to hold conversations 
  2. I brush my teeth 3x a day and my big fat mole is a trendy beauty spot (Cindy Crawford!!! Enrique Iglesias!!! SJP!!! Marilyn Monroe!!!
  3. Well… I didn’t have anything to counter this with.

If I got that third point right… then well fair enough. Gotta move on, because no matter how many excuses I make up for you, I doubt I’ll ever get the right reason. Because it will never be the right time.

I could only hope you’ve gained something during that “phase”. I hope you found a sense of yourself and I hope you are where you need to be. I trust that you will always be a star wherever you are because you’re brilliant.

Take care, and be happy.

Hello, how have you been?

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