DISCLAIMER: You’ve no idea how many times I’ve started writing, deleting and re-writing this. It’s so difficult to put into words a description fit enough for… well.. for ‘this’. And words are nothing but limiting.
All I had was a picture. A memory from a moment in my life where he didn’t even play a big part. We were kids then, naive to the world and ready to go our separate ways. But someone took a picture of us together, sat in a blurry haze of smoke and the pungent smell of liquor, and that was all I can remember.
I chanced on that photo again and it’s crazy. I remember the night perfectly and when my friend took the shot I’ve decided it was a special photo, it was a special night, he was a special boy. However, my false bravado and cynicism grabbed my fluttering thoughts of fancy and I was reeled back into the fact that in my ideal world, I was happy to coexist with all the lovers without getting a bit too close. He was just a boy in the photograph, nothing more. We barely talked. How can you feel something for someone you don’t really know?
Years down the line, after a few naturally caused delays, I bumped into him again. It was pleasant – unsuspecting of anything that could transpire further than friendship. ‘Hello’ was traded in for long discussions about life and love in general; and although sparks didn’t fly out until much later, I guess you can tell that he’s made an impression. He became a good friend, a confidante, someone I can’t seem to shake off my system that easily. Even now, the lack of proximity and the psychic distance are bridged by an understanding slightly too complex for definitions but altogether beautifully unique in its presence.
I can’t exactly explain how it all fell into place and why he came to my life but I can tell you that there’s something there. I can’t really say when and where it started but I do know that I do not want it to end – not just yet. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen to us because it’s surreal, like our experiences feel like scenes and subplots from a movie filled with twists and unpredictable turns.
All I know is that I found a really incredible guy. He’s amazing in everything he does but is not too proud to be corrected and humble enough to admit when he’s in the wrong. He’s strong in his own way but he’s not afraid to show weakness when things get a bit weary. He’s not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve and charm you into believing the possibilities of each step but he’s a mystery of his own and every second is intriguing. He likes me and he thinks I’m pretty. I think he thinks he loves me, and though the very thought makes my insides go strange like lemon curd between sheets of phyllo pastry I think I can live with it.
Yes, there’s a lot of uncertainties and yes, it feels too good to be true. But that said and absurdities aside, I do know that we kind of click. In some twisted miracle I found this amazing bloke amongst the many faces I’ve passed on the street and we actually fit well. Something just feels right and to be frank I am happy. I think he’s happy too. And for now, that’s all that matters. Right?