Mixed Tape Series: Porkchop

I wish you weren’t so beautiful in my eyesI associate songs to a lot of things, events and to different people. I keep a handful of close people around and a handful of playlists for each one. T‘s playlist would involve some cheesy pop and old school blues. P‘s playlist would involve slightly emo/alternative stuff topped with Urbandub’s First of Summer. Some songs may remind me of a couple of people depending on which part of the song’s playing.

An old page from an old friend.
As I’ve said though, there’s one song that I can only associate with one specific person – MG. He’s been a musician most of his life and as most stories of get-to-know go (at least in my life), we’ve bonded through music. Sevendust’s Licking Cream (feat the very sexy Skunk Anansie) was one of the many songs we’ve shared and it makes the whole thing ironic because despite the many records we’ve listened to together, this may be the only song that can epically remind me of him. It’s the only song that transcends me back to our time together.

Beyond the high lies burning eyes

The funny thing is that despite spending almost two years with the dude, I don’t really remember much about the relationship. I know it’s been fun – we’ve had good times, been to awesome places, ate a lot and had really good banter. But somehow when I try to remember I can’t scratch beneath the surface. Don’t get me wrong, the relationship isn’t as shallow as perhaps I make it sound. Truth is, us being together was a testament to the saying, ‘things happen for a reason‘. We were together for a reason and I guess he was the breath of fresh air I needed during the time. He was the person who made me realise that there’s more to life than whining and pining about things that may never happen in the end. That life’s not bad, that hearts heal and that I can be loved unconditionally. He was an absolute gentleman and an absolute dude. And though we didn’t end up together (and perhaps we never will because we’re way too awesome as friends), I know that we’ve made each other happy and that we were together during the time we were supposed to.
There’s an old journal entry about our first proper chat under the cut. Read it for a flashback.

HIM: Are you off to bed?
ME: I don’t know… I’m a bit tired from swimming but we hafta cook breakfast in an hour e
HIM: Sige, you sleep na lang
ME: And you?
HIM: I’ll watch over you… and wake you up

BACKTRACK: It was his second and last night with the group and he wanted to make it sulit so even after a tiresome session, we swam and laughed our guts out. Then there was a power breakdown. Most of the gang decided to retire to bed, but he wanted to catch the sunrise so after a quick shower, I joined him in the garden.

It was your typical get to know each other conversation at first – boxers or briefs, Christ or Satan, rock or chill-out. Over filtered nicotine and tar, we talked and talked and talked. About life, love and everything in between. It was so much comforting than sleep, especially after the long day we’ve had. The darkness was incredibly calming, despite the many wandering souls unbeknownst to us. Nevermind the bugs that feasted on our feet, the hungry predators that watched us in desire. His eyes twinkled in the dark and for a moment I felt mine did, too. For a moment there, we were the only ones awake (figuratively and literally). It was too magical, too comforting, too inviting for anything whimsical – even a kiss.

Then again, the lights went back on… and it was time for me to (try to) cook breakfast again. Not a total bummer because that day, even with the lights back… we suddenly connected like nobody else would understand. The magic of the night was still there. When he had to leave, he left with a promise of us hanging out more often when we get back to Manila (aka the real world). That’s exactly what we’re planning to do tomorrow.

I missed him too much too soon, I must admit. In a room full of people I’ve known longer than I have known him, there were times that I felt alone. I slept on his bed (I had to transfer since there were new additions to the room) and it smelled like him (he sprayed his perfume all over) which made me sorta miss him more. His messages swarmed my phone and I could only thank Jesus for technology. I was sorta bummed that he couldn’t make it during the last night. His presence (or absence) drove me nuts. And it’s not even hormonal yet.

Okay. Forgive me for getting too excited and oh-so-high-school. It’s been four months since I’ve “kissed dating goodbye”. The last dating experience (or should I say, summer romance) I’ve had led into a chaotic experience. Broke a coupla hearts along the way… mine, the guy, the ex…

Ah.. the ex. I’ve almost forgotten about him – I’ve been sorta avoiding him for two weeks. It’s just funny and weird how we go about each other. It’s almost a cycle… a question of who wants to get back with the other. There’s that unwritten contract that almost says we’ll end up together in the long run. I must say it feels like that sometimes. But for now… I’m taking a break and I’m gonna have fun being single. The right way, this time.

It has been established over the past coupla days that I do have a commitment problem despite having relationships which have lasted more than a year. Surprisingly, the guy I’ve dated last summer had to make me realize that (we’re sorta okay now, thank God for JMA). After the third (and longest break-up ever which lasted for a year) I really don’t think I can stand another break-up. I’m not after another commitment just yet. I’m in it for the ride.. for now.

I am totally floating. Kubo guy just texted. He wrote me a song. c”,) I have a sort of date tomorrow. We’ll see what happens from there.


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