Thinking of Bacon, Ham & Sausage (this isn’t about food)

I didn’t really see myself as a mom growing up. As a kid I hated playing with baby dolls and always opted out when friends played bahay-bahayan. As a teen, I saw documentaries on women in labour and a screaming Lynnette from Ohio scarred me for life. Eventually I realised that actually, I was scared to be one because my mother and my grandmother were so awesome, I felt I might never step up to the plate.

That said, I’ve always been good with children – I’m patient enough to play with them for a long time and hush out their tantrums. When I became a sister (the second time around) and an auntie, my maternal skills seemed to come naturally. It made me think that whilst I’m not ready to have kids yet perhaps one day when the time is right, when I’ve met my match and when I’m 100% sure, I could possibly be a decent mom to little girls and boys next shore.

And yes, I’ve daydreamed about the spawns. And yes, I know I’d need a partner for that but before you rush me into anything…. have you heard of surrogacy? =D

1. They’ll be called Bacon, Ham & Egg Sausage. Nicknames, of course. If I’m lucky to be able to adopt a fourth one, I’ll call it Bagel.

2. They’ll be exposed to music. I’ll get them to listen to awesome tunes as early as their first glimpse of light. In my womb. But they will still know all the words to classic nursery rhymes.

3. I shall not expose them to butterflies, clowns, Pepto Bismol pink and public toilets – anything that can potentially creep them out for the rest of their lives. And I will get someone to teach them how to ride a bike so they won’t creep other people out for the rest of their lives.

4. They will have comfy rooms but I’ll make sure they’ll have a home and not just a house.

Playroom/nursery board

5. They will be encouraged to do some sort of sport so they could learn the principles of discipline, confidence, teamwork. Most importantly so that they could learn that winning isn’t everything – it may be the cherry on top but everyone else – including those who lose – gets a piece of cake.

6. They will be encouraged to speak up, but they will be taught to listen first.

7. I shall encourage them to read and write. They will understand a thing or two about stock prices, financial markets, the constitution and the FTSE 100 index by the age of 3. But they will still gush about the Velveteen Rabbit, Dr Seuss and Archie comic books. One will be a lawyer, one will be a doctor, one will be creative. One could be gay.

8. They will be exposed to travel, so they may be aware of all cultures. They will see the world in vivid colours, have respect for different beliefs/religion, develop a palate for all cuisines and hopefully feel a strong sense of compassion for humanity. But they will always embrace their heritage and roots.

9. They will be allowed to play in the mud, dance in the rain, eat stuff from the floor (3-5 second rule), consume too much sugar and make silly faces towards their classmates. I will laugh at them when they realise their mistakes, but I will teach them right from wrong.

10. They will not be perfect kids. Far from it. But they will be God-fearing and faithful in all sense of the word. They will be ridiculously adorable and sweet and will value the importance of family. They will always be respectful of their grandparents and they will always be open to their parents. Because I will allow them ice cream after dinner. But only if they’ve finished their homework.


Good grief. I’ve been feeling a tad too broody for my liking lately and this time I’m not blaming any lady relatives *coughmommytitagrandmomcough* for constantly nagging me about, er, my eggs.

It’s nice to think about Bacon, Ham & Sausage (and Bagel) but I am no way near motherhood, no way near being ready at all. But when that day comes I know I will love them with all my heart. No matter what shape/size/gender/colour they come in.


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