A wee bit close to home

The parents & the sibs at Dad’s class homecoming
Baguio, Philippines (Feb 2012)

Last week, in between thoughts of comfort food, work I’ve been missing, and books I should download for Mr. Wendal (spot the ’90s hiphop referrence), pictures of my family flooded my mind. My mom was texting me updates about their Baguio trip as my dad’s class hosted this year’s PMA homecoming. On my sickbed feeling weak/limp/almost lifeless, I was overwhelmed with jealousy and wished I could’ve been there to join the festivities and be in the fam bam photos. But then I felt this achingly strong sense of love, and sadness in the reality that if I felt worse than I already did, I could without seeing them again (ridiculously morbid thought, but hey I was fragile).

There was a time when I was cynical about familial unconditional love. Unlike friends and partners, you can’t choose your family so how is that fair to just love them in such intensity? Sure, you become comfortable and used to them but that doesn’t necessarily mean you like them let alone love them right? Parents do stuff for their kids as they’re seemingly obliged to, kids do stuff for their parents so they can get allowance and stuff. It is what it is, and it’s just how it is.

What a stupid, jaded, cynical, ungrateful ignoramus. Yes, friends. I was in a dark place then. Not proud at all, and quite frankly I’d love to give my old self a massive slap in the head. Eveything’s better and peanut-butter happy now and, ironically, it’s all because of my family. No words could explain how much I love them. I would bend over backwards and do anything for them and I know they’d do the same.

I understand unconditional love more now. It’s the kind of love that makes you want to be a better person for your sake and theirs. It’s thoughtful and selfless that when people do something so wrong or disappointing every cell in your body will feel every bit of pain, yet you would support them and help them become better people. And you do this not because you are obliged to but because you can’t see it nor have it any other way. It makes you feel complete despite distance and time, safe in your lonesome, and inspired on your not-so-glory days. I could say more about my thoughts on this, but it’s always better to discover without bias.

If you’ve been reading my stuff from the very beginning (It’s been over a decade! I’m surprised you’re not bored yet, but thank you!) then you know that my most heartfelt entries were drawn from family anecdotes. You probably have a slight idea about how our relationships have changed through the years. We’re so much better now; we communicate and express ourselves more than we used to. I think that was one of the things that helped improve our relationship. And we’re not shy to tell the world. I’m proud to be my parents’ child – my dad is a hero and my mother is my source of strength. I’m proud to have a brother who is maturing to be a better man. I’m proud to have a sister who is special in more ways than one. =) 

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