This is an apology.
If I’ve thrown shade to your face then chances are we’re still buddies and that’s all water under the bridge. We’re probably better friends and better human beings for being honest with each other, too.
However, there’s a handful of you who may or may not have an inkling. Because let’s face it, we all do things – mundane or not – that can irritate others no matter how good our intentions are.
For example, you can be a really good samaritan trying to make the world a better place by doing something significant but people may still think your saccharine personality is disingenuous. You can be sharing your honest thoughts on the latest opening in town, but people may think you’re only saying positive things cos your visit was complimentary. You may be trying to build your empire but can come across as unqualified with exaggerated stats. You may be a very good friend but a bad partner to your significant other and that definitely would cause your buddies to mumble a few little hoohas. Catch my drift?
Bottomline is, nobody has ever pleased people 100% of the time. Heck, even this post may divide opinions and cause some murmurs later. Because people judge. People have their opinions. You do. I do, too.
I’ve had it too, you know. The shade. And boy, did I get proper shade.
CASE 1: The Godmother
This girl (I’ve never met but heard of) messaged my 50-year-old godmother, told her to “F*CK OFF” and accused me of things she’s heard from someone else. Naturally I wanted to speak out and confront the issue. Whilst I’m no angel, I’m not the spawn of evil either and her statements were absolutely wrong. When my godmother showed me her screencaps, I was furious. It was too much coming from someone both of us have never met nor spoke of.
But it also made me think of how vile the situation was. Who would actually tell a distinguished, successful, inspirational businesswoman she’s not met to fuck off?! How trashy was that? My godmother was mad too, but she said “they’ll get their comeuppance at some point but it’s not up to us.” So we kept it classy and just left them to it.
CASE 2: Les Anthénors
I’ve recently been judged and body-shamed for posting what I thought was an artsy shot on my IG stories. And whilst I’m thick-skinned enough to shrug comments and “concerned” messages off, I was still perplexed at how some people (some I know, some I didn’t) had so much time to bother reacting to it.
I may be a part-time blogger and I may have a thing about social media, but I don’t consider myself an influencer nor am I trying to drastically instil radical movements. It was a bloody photo. From a girl who just likes photos. Why do people have so much time to tell me off and to dictate my values? Why am I being judged for loving myself and my body?!
Those incidents made me realise that often, you come across people whose idea of normalcy is different from yours. And that’s okay. As long as you don’t question your own values and step on anyone else’s toes.
We all bitch about people even if we don’t know half the story, because it’s easier to have an opinion rather than to look deep down ourselves and address our own issues. Because it’s easier to judge than to be judged.
And it did make me look deeper, you know. My younger self was quite defensive and cared so much about how I came across rather than who I was becoming. I wanted to be cool, I wanted to be someone everyone liked. But with age, I’ve come to realise that the only thing that mattered was being nice. And you liking yourself as well as being happy with yourself. All else will follow.
In the end, I just want to be a woman who does right. A woman who supported other women. A woman who throws light, and not shade.
So… to the handful of you whom I’ve previously bitched about, I am sorry. It’s kinda naff of me to have voiced out something about you behind your back. Perhaps I’ve judged you a little too soon because you irritated me then. Maybe I’ve raised my brows too quickly because my opinions are different from yours. Point is whether or not you deserve the shade or not, whether we see eye to eye or not, I should have kept my opinions to myself. Or perhaps told you upfront.
I apologise. #ThrowLightNotShade
(Btw, I don’t really bitch about people I don’t necessarily know or have met – unless you’re Donald Trump or a person from Love Island.)